1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
