i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
