totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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