so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
