Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
