I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She's JV to your varsity
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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