just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
