so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
