Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
