so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
