After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She's the barista slut.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
