yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
