Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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