I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
