why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
