the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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