This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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