you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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