You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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