I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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