You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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