About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
