Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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