The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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