I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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