Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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