my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
