Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
