Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize