First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
