The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
