So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
