Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
