I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
