if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
