it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
