HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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