I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
