why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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