My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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