Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
