Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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