i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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