I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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