I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
