Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
