Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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