I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
