I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
