he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
