hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
