Umm I'm too high to move.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
