im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
