No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
