Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
