I wish my penis had an off switch
wat bout pragnant strippers??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
