You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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