I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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