I wish I could teleport
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize