he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
