Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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