Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
