somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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