the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
