Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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