Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
