I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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