Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
